my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I smell stomach acid.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
