Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
