Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
should my penis look like a turkey
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think your dad took our porno
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
