He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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