he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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