Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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