Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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