Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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