how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
