My room smells like vodka and shame
I think my vagina is haunted
dude i'm inner monologue high
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
