glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Michael Bay diarrhea
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
