She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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