All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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