Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
