Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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