I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
