Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
