he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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