I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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