you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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