I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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