bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
