My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so let's talk penis.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
