i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
