you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
