So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
