spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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