I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
