I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
