Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
