I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
