Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
