so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize