I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
