Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
