I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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