I want to make a zoo with you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
