theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he fucked my hip out of place.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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