another moral hangover. fuck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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