guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
