suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
