Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
