well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
