Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
