I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
