She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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