Plan B is the new Plan A
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i've created a new STD.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
