Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
