how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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