Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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