Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize