i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
