I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
