My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
