hotel room ftw
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
