Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
