If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
