Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
