So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize