moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
