you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
