i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
