youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
