My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
