the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
