I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
