I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
