I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
