Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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