ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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