I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
