Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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