she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
