I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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