I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
