I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
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please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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