Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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