That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
