Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
